Kristy Chenell
During my early thirties, both my parents began their dying trajectories (unbeknownst to us all at first) at the same my husband and I were in the midst of adopting our two children from South Korea. Learning to juggle my care for them (my father on the west coast and my mother on the east coast) while tending to my newly formed family, daily job, household responsibilities, and personal health, life seemed squeezed as tight as a roll of kimbap (Korean “sushi”). All of these things were necessary, but the more that was added, the more crowded life got.
But having the time and space to process what was happening?
Sorry, we’re out of chopsticks, just figure out how to eat it with your hands.
Even though it has been one of the hardest journeys of my life, I have. And that’s what has brought me to this work.
I wish there had been someone who could have…
Prepared Me
Prepared and comforted me as I walked into my mom’s hospice room the first time.
Composed Questions
Helped me compose important questions for my dad in the months leading up to his death.
Taught Awareness
Taught me how to recognize my fight-or-flight response from grief and gave me guidance on how to turn off this survival mode.
Guided My Fears
Guided me through my anxieties and fears (what would it be like if I actually witnessed them dying, why am I too scared to touch them, and what will I do without them?).
Navigated Triggers
Been available for me to work through triggers such as the holidays, their death anniversaries, and life milestones.
Supported My Feelings
Gave me safe space so I could feel my feelings, and that wasn’t grieving themselves.
Explored New Ideas
Helped me create special rituals or traditions we could do as a family that honored my deceased parents.
Helped with Services
Helped me design ideas for a meaningful memorial service.
Processed My Grief
Provided me suggestions on how I could begin processing my grief, starting with realistic, small steps that felt right to me.
And…so much more
“Sometimes it’s ok if the only thing you did today was breathe.”
-YUMI SAKUGAWA
My Inspiration
These wishes have inspired my work as a volunteer work for on-site patient support and musician needs for The Denver Hospice (I play the flute), writing about grief for naturopathic doctors, and my current pursuit of a graduate degree in Thanatology (the study of death, dying, and bereavement) at Edgewood College.
In addition, I have personally tried a wide-variety of therapeutic mind/body grief modalities such as acupuncture, herbal supplements, shinrin-yoku, EMDR, and psilocybin and know the options for grief processing are plentiful.